crimson89: not mine (molest the tuna..molest molest)
[personal profile] crimson89
 Hello dearest,

I'm in a standstill today. I can't ever decide if my face will change from the ever frowning to the pitiful bawling mask one shows whenever in deep, deep emotional pain. 

It's like an ages-old wound, left festered to rot. Rot away while poisoning the flesh inside. 

It seems like an achievement for me really. Thinking that I've finally accomplished something of a good thing. But it was not really was like a dream.

A dream that an was going so smoothly. Littered with happy endings and fruitful wishes. Wishes and hopes that could one day become true.
But like all dreams, it was never as it seemed. A picture, thought, an occasion dressed as an ugly creature haunted that dream.

My dreams as always were never this disastrous or mortifying as this one. Which led me to believe, since when did I care about other people think? I was so used to using that as a crutch.....that I never  did regain that sense of self that I had.

Back from my glory days. 

It is very disheartening. This thing. Somebody beat you to it. It was never that simple to begin with. It might not even come to that. 

So, why regret? I can't help it. Regretting. You see, this is the poison that came with it. Regret, with it disappointment and resentment. I don't want that fester in my soul. I just want to feel productive. Productive but never used.

Why didn't she tell it in the first place? That she would be training there? WIll it seem very arrogant? Yes. How the mighty hath fallen.

How will I pick myself up? Pick up the pieces?

Pleaseplease help.  I need help.

Don't let me fester this in my soul.

Because it poisons. It reeks. Reeks heavily of negative things. I don't want negative things.


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January 2016

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