That I've been (and will be) left behind (again).
I'm not counted again.
Always, always always the last person....to be considered. Always...
Dammit!! Do you know how much I sacrifice my (thrice-damned) time in this?
I look forward to it.....then I'm told. :"Sorry. Hinde na kasya. Hinde na sasabay si Ate Angel" Dammit! I just want to.....break something. (and cry).
damn you!! Damn you!!
Fuck you world!
I'm currently reaching the (breaking) end point. I thought. I thought, that having them as a group for affliation is...going to be great. But...I feel bummed out. Stretched to the limit. Like I don't who to please first.
Would I please myself? Her? Him? Whoever? Yes. I know that I am just one person....
butbutbutbut. I can only take this much before I break into several broken pieces...thing.
I'm being pressured from all sides. I'm counting on my iceberg to not add to the stress. She's uhhh the calm/pillar/foundation that keeps me from breaking (or raging) nowadays.
Please please please let it all be resolved in a peaceful....(non-hurting) friendship sparing way.
Hel knows how much I'd break if it goes worst.
Because frankly, I'm losing my identity of self. I don't recognize myself anymore. Maybe that pseudo fortune teller was right. I am working soooo damned hard for something that I haven't even thought of ending. I don't know the endpoint yet...that's why it's so fucking frustrating. Sweat, tears, blood, and damned time. Those are the things that are wasted.
I really am confused, frustrated and damned fucking pissed off at life in general. Pointing it out to me that life is blah silver linings and shit pisses me off even more.
It's not my fault that I am and always will be this way. I'm sorry for breathing, living and generally wasting air. It's not my fault that I was born alive.
I hate it that people really, I mean really try to understand but hell....pitying me isn't gonna help one bit lazy asses!
Like yesterday, I came from school relieved and placid. But nooooooo...my good day just had to be ruined because once again I was left hanging. I was freaking left behind!!
These are the times when I just hate my reclusive course. Not only will you sacrifice a hell lot of cash but also your really, really precious time, friends and even family.
I'm sick and tired of being left behind. Study, study, study...do damned mandatory service aka duty. That's all I've been doing!!!! If I knew that this course would make me as reclusive as a damned fucking monk then I should've gone and become a thrice-damned NUN!!!
Dammit!!! Even if I'm ranting and shit....they keep on reminding me that it's just one year left. But still, even then this summer...when my cousins that came back here to this damned rock we call the Philippines....I haven't had the time to bond, chit chat and generally make fools of ourselves......please just give the chance, let me rest myself from all that migraine-inducing stressors we call fucking schjool, wenches, gits and goddamned chits.
So now, I'm gonna vent it out on Tsuna being cock-blocked for hours by Xanxus because he's enraged (as usual) and possessive and (damned jealous) because of his Tsuna unknowingly being seductive and lusted over by damned trash (in fuckin' Vongola).
Heh. I love BDSM between my muses.
Whenever I'm in my usual mood of angst, anger and generally Fuck the world...it's always my (uke/submissive) who gets an (ass) pounding that can be felt for a week.
YAY!! For X27!!!!
I hate this!!