crimson89: not mine (molest the tuna..molest molest)
 I can feel it. Creeping up through my veins. Paralyzing me. Slowly but surely, affecting my physical then to cognitive senses.

This. It's my last chance to redeem myself/ Please let me pass. Please let me push through. I badly need it. I'm in need of it's assurance. Call me coward. I am but a self-preserving Slytherin

I want to survive.
Make me feel alive.


Please. Oh, please. Give me this opportunity.


Whoever's up there. Whatever deity/Supreme being who's listening. Please let me pass. Pass enough to be given the chance. As in 80%.


Give me knowledge. Guide me. Strengthen my nerves and courage to pull through. Revive my dying will. I have a lot of regrets.
I know, I haven't yet reach the stage of dying. But if you want, I could. I would. 

I don't wanna be useless. Yes, it's fulfilling. But I am on borrowed time here. It depresses me so. How easily I get left behind.

Pleasepleaseplease don't let me be behind.
I don't wanna be left alone. I won't 

Give me this chance. Let me pass. I'll even let those fools use this computer for work. And not selfishly, use this for myself.
I badly need this. Did I not state this earlier? How every phrase, paragraph from up above this entry states so?


Please Lord. Pleasepleaseplease. Let me pass this.


crimson89: (Default)
I'm so, so, so, so, sad.


That I've been (and will be) left behind (again).

Always...always.

I'm not counted again.


Always, always always the last person....to be considered. Always...


Dammit!! Do you know how much I sacrifice my (thrice-damned) time in this?

I look forward to it.....then I'm told. :"Sorry. Hinde na kasya. Hinde na sasabay si Ate Angel" Dammit! I just want to.....break something. (and cry).

damn you!! Damn you!!

Fuck you world!
crimson89: (Default)

I'm currently reaching the (breaking) end point. I thought. I thought, that having them as a group for affliation is...going to be great. But...I feel bummed out. Stretched to the limit. Like I don't who to please first.

Would I please myself? Her? Him? Whoever? Yes. I know that I am just one person....



butbutbutbut. I can only take this much  before I break into several broken pieces...thing.


Dammit!!

I'm being pressured from all sides. I'm counting on my iceberg to not add to the stress. She's uhhh the calm/pillar/foundation that keeps me from breaking (or raging) nowadays.


Please please please let it all be resolved in a peaceful....(non-hurting) friendship sparing way.

Hel knows how much I'd break if it goes worst.

crimson89: (Default)
I am really reaching the breaking point of surrendering. I'm this close to raising the white flag, and showing my middle finger against fate, destiny and all that brouhaha.


Because frankly, I'm losing my identity of self. I don't recognize myself anymore. Maybe that pseudo fortune teller was right. I am working soooo damned hard for something that I haven't even thought of ending. I don't know the endpoint yet...that's why it's so fucking frustrating. Sweat, tears, blood, and damned time. Those are the things that are wasted.


I really am confused, frustrated and damned fucking pissed off at life in general. Pointing it out to me that life is blah silver linings and shit pisses me off even more.

It's not my fault that I am and always will be this way. I'm sorry for breathing, living and generally wasting air. It's not my fault that I was born alive.

I hate it that people really, I mean really try to understand but hell....pitying me isn't gonna help one bit lazy asses!

Like yesterday, I came from school relieved and placid. But nooooooo...my good day just had to be ruined because once again I was left hanging. I was freaking left behind!!

 These are the times when I just hate my reclusive course. Not only will you sacrifice a  hell lot of cash but also your really, really precious time, friends and even family.

I'm sick and tired of being left behind. Study, study, study...do damned mandatory service aka duty. That's all I've been doing!!!! If I knew that this course would make me as reclusive as a damned fucking monk then I should've gone and become a thrice-damned NUN!!!


Dammit!!! Even if I'm ranting and shit....they keep on reminding me that it's just one year left. But still, even then this summer...when my cousins that came back here to this damned rock we call the Philippines....I haven't  had the time to bond, chit chat and generally make fools of ourselves......please just give the chance, let me rest myself from all that migraine-inducing stressors we call fucking schjool, wenches, gits and goddamned chits.


So now, I'm gonna vent it out on Tsuna being cock-blocked for hours by Xanxus because he's enraged (as usual) and possessive and (damned jealous) because of his Tsuna unknowingly being seductive and lusted over by damned trash (in fuckin' Vongola).

Heh. I love BDSM between my muses.

Whenever I'm in my usual mood of angst, anger and generally Fuck the world...it's always my (uke/submissive) who gets an (ass) pounding that can be felt for a week.


YAY!! For X27!!!!
~angel

I hate this!!

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crimson89

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